So here’s the new look. Short and dark. Tomorrow morning I’m using COLOURB4 in hope of returning to my former shade. Today, I’m wearing a big hoody and being moody to match my dark hair. I’m listening to a CD we bought in Hungary, I’m thinking about Hungary. I’m thinking about how daft I was to cry. I cried because I hadn’t thought of how much the colour would change my appearance. I was daft to cry because taking risks is what brings excitement and what makes stories.
I’m now one of those girls who can add *Dyed my hair a bad shade* to my list of things I really shouldn’t have, yet things I’ve learnt from list.
I’m thinking about what I want to look like, and what decisions I should make about the future. In 6 days, I’m moving to York for anywhere between a week and a month, which is quite unsettling, yet the decision is entirely mine. Why am I afraid? I know why. I don’t want things to change with my love. I don’t want dynamics to alter, yet altering dynamics is a fact of life. I’m looking at photos of the week we just had and watching movies. I’m thinking about how I’ve done so many things I’ve never done before, in the last few months alone. I’m thinking about how I am so happy. I am. I’m thinking about saying to Stuart that 60 years wouldn’t be long enough to be with him. I’m thinking about how he held me when I cried. I’m thinking about how lucky I am. I’m thinking about all the things I want to achieve in my life. I’m thinking about placements, internships and I’m thinking about jobs. I’m thinking about uni. I’m thinking about music and coffee houses.
There is so much in my little brain, and so much to think about. Always.
Weird how music can take you back to a certain place. I’m listening to Hadron Orchestra, and I may as well be sat in instant! in Budapest. Rabbits chasing each other above me. A packet of menthol cigarettes on the table: they are mine. I’m thinking about how I wanted to dye my hair dark and try something new. I’m thinking about how it’s ok. It’ll grow out. I’m thinking about how we sat in impact and bought CDs and wrote and read and drank and smoked and then went for the best meal we had: Pork at Disznó and the cycle home. The best week to date.
Everything is good.